im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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