so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
