holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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