K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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