Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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