first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
