Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
