i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
