Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
