I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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