I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
