he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
