Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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