Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
