I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Randomize
