the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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