after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
