Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
