i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
