My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
