yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
