jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
