My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
