Non-Jews are for practice
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
