Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
