I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
