Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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