I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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