life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
