Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
