Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
