just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I smell like Dick and happiness
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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