i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
