Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize