if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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