he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
