that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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