Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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