Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
