if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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