I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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