I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh god it's open bar.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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