So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
