Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
