i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
