cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
