Porn is love you can see.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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