Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize