Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
