Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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