Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
