I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
