Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
