final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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