He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
