i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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