just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
