would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we made out on top of his cat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
