im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hippo gnu deer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
