I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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