the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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