Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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