apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've blown a few things in my day
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
