talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
