Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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