Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
