I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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