I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
