that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
