Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
